On Sunday, some guy decided to play devil’s advocate around this case in Santa Clara.
Let me state up front:
If your partner passes out, the first thing you do is see if they are okay. If they are non-responsive, help them find medical care. UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES SHOULD YOU HELP YOURSELF INTO THEIR DRAWERS.
“What if she consented and then she passed out? (He confirmed that the guy kept going.) Why is that rape?”
Ignoring the facts of this particular case and he woefully did, it’s rape because she can no longer agree to have sex with you. The law assumes you have the maturity to recognize an unconscious partner as someone who is no longer available for sex and moreover maybe in need of medical attention.
Why do you need to finish so badly that you want to finish in an unconscious partner? Why are you so inebriated that you can’t tell there is something not quite right with this woman, that this sexual activity is one-sided?
We’re both expected by the law to recognize that we cannot drive and choose to find another means to get home. How is this different? If you can’t drive because you’re drunk then you’re probably too drunk to figure out the nuances of consent with another person.
As a woman when I’m drunk, I’m expected to:
A) get home safely. (And my girls)
B) figure out who the predators are and protect myself.
C) figure out what methods I can not only perform drunk but will leave me safe. Taxi? Subway? Walking?
If I can reliably be expected to use my drunk brain figuring how to keep myself safe, then at a minimum, I think you can be expected to figure out your partner is not responsive and sexy fun times are over. At a minimum. Otherwise, I have to assume that rape doesn’t bother you, a conscious partner isn’t a requirement. Do you even know you’re with an equal human being and not a fleshlight? I have to assume you’re a rapist or condone rape. I have a major responsibly as a adult woman when I leave the house: to spot predator that puts me at risk.
Welcome to adulthood, little boys. You are men. Grow up. Learn to manage your sexual urges and learn that it’s expected of you.
And all of us, DEMAND this of the men in our lives.